This morning as I left the locker room of the gym, another spinning class regular asked me how things were today. I replied with “forgetful”, because that morning I had forgotten to bring part of my outfit and as I walked out I had forgotten to fix my hair. What she said to me next seems very small and insignificant, but at that moment it was exactly what I needed to hear to bring my life back into perspective. I had gotten up at 5:20AM to eat enough to serve as fuel for the 45 minute cycle workout, pack my bag with the days work clothes and try to make it on time, or at least to come in during the warm-up. I had slept 6 hours during which I had woken up twice (how come I sleep so light while I am so tired) and the previous nights were not much longer. Those few words “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re another woman now that you’re a mom.” summed it all up.
Every time I feel unhappy with something, or inadequate on something else, I try to refocus on all the good I’m doing, and all the joy I get from the reason for this life change. But I can’t help but be frustrated at times that my performance at the office may not be as good as it was before I had to be at the daycare center each evening. Or that I should by now have shed the post-pregnancy weight and regained my toned figure (and fit back into all my pre-pregnancy clothes!).
But the fact of the matter is, I should not be working as many hours as I used to before I was a mother, and work should not take priority over family life. And the reality is, my shape will never be what it was, and I will have to find a new balance in feeling good with my body, with a different level of fitness.
Am I compromising? That might be the hardest to admit. But heck, I’m compromising to fit the little miracle into my life; to balance the necessity of work (which happens to be something I enjoy – and I am fortunate in that!) with the most important thing in life, family.
So, next time I feel that a morning workout, a full day of work, a few hours with Naomi, a cooked meal and some time with my man is “not good enough”, I should really remind myself that indeed; I am another woman now.
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